sorry

so we were sitting side by side and trying to think of things to say.. kaya lang wala talaga eh, there's just nothing to talk about and there's just nothing to say but "i'm sorry"

"si mike noh?" it was errol who broke the silence.
"what does mike have to do with my decision?" trying to hide the fact and the obvious.
"evrything trix! i knew from the very beginning that you only have eyes for him, you're just too scared to admit it."
"hindi totoo yan! dont blame this on him, talagang i just dont have feelings for you errol, and kung pwede just respect that, hindi na nating kelangan mangdamay ng ibang tao." i said defensively.
"i'm sorry, but if you really like him then why cant you fight for him?"

teka teka teka!!! am i hearing this one right? si errol nagbibigay ng advice? this is really uncanny. i just told him that the "me and him" thing wont work and here he is giving me an advice to fight for Mike? Bakit?

"teka, errol whatever it is that i feel towards someone its my damn business, hindi mo na ko kelangan turuan."
"again sorry ulit dont get too worked up on what i said, its nothing personal, i just want to see you happy lam mo mo yun? kasi tuwing makikita nalang kita on how you look at him, lagi kong nakikita yung lungkot and at the same time yung saya that i never saw in you when you look at me."
"thanks Errol, even if i wanted to, alam naman natin that he's not for me, heis in love with someone and that person... si maggie."
"that was before trix! hindi mo na lam yan ngayon, lots of things have changed."
"no, ok lang , i'll be happy just by looking at him... ganun eh."
"ok trix basta, kahit naman ganto yung nangyri sa tin you know i'll be here for you and we know that you deserve someone better."
'thanks talaga errol for being there ha... and sorry talaga. so friends?" i asked extending a handshake.
"sure friends it is..." he replied taking my hand and shaking it, even though he said it, it doesnt really sound like he meant it.

with that he just turned his back on me and he started walking away. as for me my thoughts drifted back to those words that he told me "fight for him." naisip ko naman kelan pa nangyri sa history ng pilipinas na ang babae ang lumalaban para sa relationship na ni hindi naman nag eexist? parang hindi pa yata...that's the hard part of it. if you fight for what you want and for what you believe in, kung babae ka, they'll think you're too easy, if you play hard to get they'll say you're too picky... eh san ba talaga yung tamang pwesto?

i was really surprised with errol too you know? he handled himself well... and those things that he told me... about mike... talaga bang ganun na ka obvious? shet! if they could notice it, then why the hell cant mike notice it? if only we could teach our hearts ginawa ko na siguro, but i have this thing in me that i usually use my heart over my head, even though i've been struggling for so long to forget about him, i just cant... para na kong nalolokang ewan, just to get over him...

Summer's almost over for everyone and i guess all i can do is look forward to my senior year, that has to be something unforgettable right? graduating class na ko sa wakas! well as my thoughts were still at a loss for what's going to happen at the end of the summer, there was a tap behind me...

"shet! Mike ano ka ba???!!! kung san san ka naman nang gagaling eh, what are you doing here?"
"i should be asking you the same question, what are you doing outside your house at this hour?"
"excuse me, but you're not my dad, so bugg off!" i said.
"eto naman pikon agad..."
"ok what do you want?"
"wala lang, pauwi na din kasi ako and i saw you here alone, i ran into errol as well, galing siya dito noh? he asked.
"oo eh ano naman sa yo?"
"wala lang, he just looks weird you know, parang bangag! mababangga ko na hindi pa ko papansinin. wassup with that?"
"ahhh yun ba, wala nagusap lang kami about me and him. i told him that it's not going to work out for both of us."
"Really??? sinabi mo yun? sabi ko sa yo eh lolokohin ka lang nun eh, sabi ko na wag ka magpapaniwala dun." he sounded a little bit relieved.
"hoy! hindi ko siya binasted dahil nambabae siya ah! he was actually good to me, yun nga lang we just dont have anything in common, i'd be lying to him and to myself kapag nagcommit ako sa kanya."
"owwwwkkkk.. sorry! jeesh trix! drama nun ah... pero ok lang yun at least di ba sinabi mo yung totoo.so bakit ang lungkot mo pa din?"
"it's just aboout things that he told me, parang lahat kasi ng sinabi niya may sense eh."
"bakit so ngayon ba nanghihinayang ka na na binasted mo siya?"
"ummm hindi naman, it's just that he really is a good guy, hindi ko nga lang siya gusto, kung pwede ko lang turuan yung sarili ko na gustuhin siya i'll do it kaya lang may iba nang laman...." then i stopped myself.
"may iba nang...???? ano? he asked.
"wala.. masydo na kong nagiging dramatic"

phew! i almost blurted that one out loud. muntik na!but errol's words still lingered in me, his words became more of a struggle for me, between doing what is right and doing what makes you happy. then both me and mike just grew quiet for some time, until he asked me a question

"trix, have you ever had that thing happen to you, na you know that you've known that you already are inlove with this person and you just dont know it yet, until one day something happend and you just realize that she was this person that you're suppose to be with all this time?" he asked his face groing serious. and i being the stupid one tried to paly it off.
"huy mike! san naman nanggaling yan? why being so poetic all of a sudden?"
"no, seryoso ko. have you ever felt that?"
"ako? its different for me i've known all along and it doesnt have to have a certain situation for me to realize it." i said. yan ha sinabi ko na! i just dont understand what he was talking about. i dont know where it came from. Seriously it really was a big surprise for me. But after awhile he just started getting up and gettingready to leave.

"oh san ka punta?"
"uwi na ko, i have stuff to do at home." he said he voice now was low and sounded a bit upset.
"ah ganun ba? do you want to stay for dinner? sarap niluto ni manang adobo?" i said trying to sound enthused.
"nah! sa bahay nalang.. thanks anyway... sige twagan nalang?"
"ok sige ingat!"

and with that i was again left on my own... not to sound too arrogant, but was he talking about me? ako ba yun? or is it another one of his cliffhanger comments na hindi mo naman lam kung sino tinutukoy? and i thought we, women are difficult to understand!!! so are men! i wonder what was he talking about "the one thing that happened" hmmm ano yun? still left me shaken though, could be someone else, i dont know... i dont want to paly dumb and at the same time too arrogant kasi mamya hindi pala ko yun, pahiya lang ako... i guess all i can do for now is wait...