So, What happened last night shook me up! i felt happy and at the same time sad, more sad than ever.. so what's going to happen now? im happy to know that he does love me still but at the same time what am i going to do with that? im leaving soon and plus he does have a girlfriend. haaayyy! ewan ko na lalong ang gulo. maybe i should just leave everything as it is for now, ill let him sleep on it and maybe then we'll be able to figure out something...
So Sunday morning, i had a hearty breakfast with the family, my parents decided that they are going to spend the weekend over at our province to take care of some paperwork so my sister and I have the house to ourselves. at last, peace!!! Much needed one. i was planning out my day when my cell phone went off...
"trix!" it was ange on the other line. "punta kami diyan mamya ah...since lapit ka na din namang umalis might as well spend as much time as possible di ba? diyan na din kami matutulog, we'll be there in an hour or so." she said.
"ok, gie no prob. i'll see you guys when you get here, tamang tama solo ko bahay, wala sila mommy eh, uuwi sa batangas may mga aasikasuhin daw."
"ok gie ill see you then!"
so i cleaned the house and prepared lunch for the crew, told my mom that my friends are coming over for the weekend. They were cool about it because they like my friends anyway. FYI: almost
half of the day havent heard anything from mike yet...*Sigh* oh well, dadating naman ang mga friends ko so i guess, ill just concetrate on them and tell them what the heck just happened last night. As soon as my folks were out the door, i immediately flopped down the couch and again my thoughts went back to the conversation last night, that was something that i wasnt expecting. i wasnt even nearly prepared for it. ano ba to??? wala na ba kong gagawin sa buhay kungdi tumanganga at magisip??? this is really getting ridiculous!!! isip ako ng isip eh iniisip ba naman ako? darn it!!!
So my friends came and we had lunch, It was Angie, Carol, ninya and Tere that came and told them what happened, sa lunch table:
"so ano na ngayon ang gagawin ko?" i asked them, after telling them of the conversation.
"eh ano bang magagawa mo, eh aalis ka din naman, isa pa may girlfriend din yung tao." ange said with her mouth half full of food.
"chaka what good will it do for you guys kung magkabalikan man kayo? baka masaktan ka lang." carol, one of my good friends mentioned as well."
"pero, wala naman din kasi binanggit si mike na nakikipagbalikan siya di ba? so why think so much about it?" ange said.
"ewan ko ba, basta parang naguluhan lang lalo ako nung sinabi niya yun sa kin." i said as i was staring at my plate and playing with my leftovers.
"lam mo trix wag ka makinig sa mga bitter na to, whatever you feel like you have to go with your instincts ika ka nila, konting panahon ka nalang dito, then be happy and just go with it."tere said as she reached for the kanin.
si ninya naman may ibang opinion din: "lam mo trix, ang feeling ko diyan kay mike, may feelings yan sa yo, sad to say yung gf niya ngayon, i think he just used her to get over you.. sorry ah im just beinbg truthful or else bakit pa niya yun sasabihin sa yo di ba? at kung talaga ngang masaya na siya sa gf niya bakit nakuha ka pa din niyang tawagan?'
"korak" tere exclaimed giving ninya a high five
and so the debate and the bantering went on and on on how this issue should be handled, it funny to watch and hear their thoughts, parang yung mga iniisip ko lang nasasabi nila out loud, kaya mas masaya lang na nakikinig ka lang.
carol asked, "trix, simba tayo tonight and then maybe we could swing by errols place." she asked me this because they played pool one time and they kinda of hung out.
"sige punta tayo sa kanila after church pero uwi na din tayo after ah?" i answered.
"teka trix, di ba lapit lang yung bahay nila mike dun kila errol?" angie asked.
I cant believe that she can remember this and the answer:
"oo magkatabi lang din sila ng bahay." i answered quite nervously.
"eh baka naman magkita pa kayo ni mike niyan ah." carol interjected.
"malabo na yun, weekend ngayon eh baka nasa gf niya yun for sure." i said sadly, with a hint of hope to see him tonight. I haven't seen him in months now. I stood up and walked in the living room and went straight to the mirror and started thinking while looking at myself."tagal na din naming hindi nagkikita. ang laki na ng binago ng ichura ko, haba na buhok ko, will he like it? kung makita niya? nasa bahay kaya siya mamya?"
"HUY!" angie jumped from behind me, interrupting my thoughts. "iniisip mo si mike noh?"
"wag ka na maingay jan gie, baka madinig ka nila carol maigi na yung ako nalang din or tayo nalang din ang may alam. ewan ko gie hindi ko din ma sabi yung pakiramdam ko ngayon eh, parang excited ako na hindi, na takot na at the same time asa pa, na kinikilig na parang highschool ulit... ang labo.. pero di ba asa pa naman ako dun?"
"naku trix, ithink you still love him... ay, wait, no i dont think pala i know!.." she said.
and so we went to church, ang haba ng mass, with the sermon and all parang hindi na matatapos, pero parang ang sama ko na din kasi parang i want it to be done ASAP! parang hindi na din ako maka antay. and then when the mass was finally over...
"o san na tayo? tara na kila errol?" carol asked.
"sige kayo, ako naman eh passenger lang." i said quietly taking the back seat. i navigate our way to errol's house. pag dating namin dun, we all came out of the car and knocked on his gate. good thing he came out at once.
"oh trix? balita?" he asked surprised.
"eh eto sila carol gusto ka daw dalawin eh, so i took them out here., ok lang ba? baka kasi naabala ka naman namin." i asked.
"ano ka ba? hindi noh, ive been bored anyway, tara dun tayo sa kubo he said, pointing to the small nipa hut "tamabayan" on the vacant lot infront of their house.
everybody went walking that way, and then ayun na walang humpay na kwentuhan at kamustahan on how everythis is. I, pn the other hand was just quiet, just staring into space. naiisip ko " wala nga siguro si mike." and then:
"trix, gusto mo tignan ko kung andyan si mike?" errol asked me.
"ummm, wag na rol, baka kasi wala din siya diyan eh, tas baka tulog na din may pasok pa naman din bukas. ok lang." i answered. well i guess my face is saying the opposite thing, because he starred walkin towards mike's house.
"mike?! mike?! tita andyan po ba si mike?" he asked mike's mom as she peered out the gate."
and then everything was just muffled sounds i cant understand and i cant even hear what they were saying because my heart "Boom boom boom!" my heart was way louder that the music that was playing from carol's car that was parked infront of us. sobrang kabado ako, i swear i think my friends can hear my heart beating 100 miles a minute. and then Errol came back.
"o andyan na daw, bibihis lang daw and then lalabas na daw siya."
for the first time i was speechless, i was just speechless! wala akong masabi, parng mas mabilis mag isip yung utak ko kesa sa buka ng bibig ko! i was still trying to find words when i suddenly saw him walking our way, i cant even describe you how elated and how happy i was nung nakita ko siyang naglalakad towards where we at... again.. tulala nanaman ako..
"hi trix. kamusta? he said softly.
i was just staring as in titig ah.. not unti angie nudged me from behind. "trix kamusta daw!"
'hi ok lang ikaw?" i said meekly.
"trix? can we talk?" he asked offering his hand.
I took it, and dang was my hands shaking not to mention cold and clammy. we alked slwoly away from our crowd and settled in a corner of this street. with the lights low.
he held my hand tightly and i held his, like it really belonged together. "ganun pa din kamay mo pawis when youre nervous."
"yeah i know, good to see you, you know. its been awhile na din." i said.
"same here, ang haba na din ng buhok mo ah.. it suits you, just keep it like that.
then awkward moment ulit... then we started talking again, parang yung dati, about school, friends, kung ano na pinagkaka abalahan namin and so on.. and then we started talking about me leaving.
"aalis ka na noh? kelan?" he asked his facial expression changed from being happty to sad.
"soon. wala pa ding definite date e, basta sabi ni mommy ASAP daw, as soon as makahanap siya ng place where we can stay then we can leave. mike, im so sorry for the things that i've done. hindi ko sinasadya, laht ng mga sinabi ko hindi ko din yun lahat mine mean. im so sorry..." with this i just started crying to him. I talked on and on and cried telling him how much im going to miss him and telling him that i hope that he's happy now. hindi siya nagsalita, he just listened, held me close and never said anything back. He neednt be. when i was finally able to settle down. i looked at him again. this time he was the one who was teary eyed and he said:
"ako din sorry din sa mga nagawa at nasabi ko sa yo. HIndi ko alam na ganun ka na din pala nahihirapan eh, iw as too selfish to admit na may mga mali din on my part. and now it seems its too late for me to tell you na dont go... baka kasi hindi ko makaya, kapag nawala ka na." he said this time there really were tears coming down his cheeks.
"please dont leave me. I love you trix!" he finally said. then he kissed me lightly on my lips. hindi ko na din matandaan what we talked about after that, all i can remember was the sadness and the hurt that both loomed over us, ang daming laman ng isip ko nun, questions that has no definite answers, it was so sad to know that im leaving things like this.
when we got back to the "kubo" they all stopped and looked at us. no one dared asked a question. they knew what went on. but we have to go home one way or the other right? with this we quietly said our goodnights and headed home unsure of what's to come...
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