reality bites

it always is good going back to those wonderful times nung una kong nakilala si mike. It was like a fairytale come true, and of course everyday is always a pleasure of recounting all the wonderful events that happened, every single one was always a memorable one for me. kahit mga kababawan namin nung maliliit pa kami, even as i recount it now that i'm 25 still does give me the "kiligs", may it be good or bad, it still feels like ithappned yesterday...

My jaw was left hanging open as i was reading my text message, even I myself cannot believe what i just have read. it said: "trix can you call me, it's really important! mags, just brokeup with me." I honestly felt nothing, shouldn't i be happy now that they're finally done? eh bakit parang ang bigat ng feeling ko... i felt so bad for mike, i mean i just knew how much she loved maggie.

"Hello? Mike." i know it's a stupid question but you ok?"
"why trix? binigay ko naman lahat di ba? i waited for her, i did everything for her and yet it still wasn't enough."
"i dont know mike, i guess we just have to let this one go, we both know that you loved her but i guess it just wasnt enough for both of you."
"2 years trix, all this for two years!"
"Its alright Mike, madami naman diyan you just have to look around, mamya nasa harap mo na hindi mo pa alam."
"i dont know what to do trix... ang labo ni mags, she says she needed space and i gave her that and then just like that she said she realized that she wants it more to be by herself."
"It's ok mike, it's all going to be ok."

And yes, of course we were both on the phone for until the wee hours in the morning, him ranting about how he wasted his two years of loving someone that didnt love him back. God! like i dont know that feeling! Hello!? Mike hint, hint... didnt i just said that the right person might just be infront of you and you dont even know it? But i have to let him hear my "inspirational" words, he just doesn't know how much i was being hurt on hearing him talk about some girl...(well, of course it wasnt just come girl, she's my good friend! which hurt more! Parang i felt like something hit me in the face and before you even knew what was going on, you never did found out what hit you.. labo di ba? pero that was how i felt. Pero siyempre i have to pretend that im being strong for him, trying to convince him that everything is going to be ok and you know, we might never know that mags might change her mind. I was acting like a good 'ol friend should act, kahit na dinudurog na ko!
Basta i justhave to tell him all the good stuff to make him feel better, lahat ng makapagpapagaan ng loob niya sinabi ko na yata.

The next day i was facing a different drama, drama naman ni mags:

"Trix, you can never believe how dramatic he can be! Imagine crying infront of me, i mean i know that he loves me and i loved him, but i just... oh! i dont know i'm just not happy anymore.. lam mo yun?"
"well, you cant blame him, he loves you so much you know... of course being a man he'll fight for what he belives in and being that he'll fight for both of you... yun nga lang he's fighting alone."
"hey, dont be taking his side, im your friend right?it's just too much for me, nakaka suffocate, i need space!"
"I know mags, i understand, nakakaawa lang naman yung tao."
"naku! if you could only see him, you'd be scared, kasi he was really being histerical, but i stood my ground and i said that i we cant be together anymore and that's final."

And then she kept on goin on and on about how they broke up and how pathetic mike was and everything and i was just there staring into space and trying to think, i mean how can you not love a man who almost gave you his all? how can you just wake up one morning after two years of being together and just feel like it's all over for both of you? sigh!

"Trix! trix naman! nakikinig ka ba?" c'mon now, im pouring my heart out, tas all you do is space out."
"Sorry Mags, ha... kulang lang ako sa tulog eh and besides i'm not feeling good can we just talk about something else..." (nawalan na ko ng gana!)
"Ok, ok, so much for drama, something different naman.. you know what i met this one guy sa mall...blah blah blah"

she what????!!! after saying that she met someone else, i think i lost her after that... how dare her!!! i mean how insensitive could she get... i mean si mike, he's still trying to recuperate and here she is announcing to the whole entire universe that she already is available!!! ARRRRGGGHHH! i just dont understand....

"Ah talaga? ummm.. mags, can we just hang out some other time talagang hindi na din kasi maganda yung pakiramdam ko eh."

Then i just stood up, left her speechless, and i dont even care what the heck she was thinking, i just stood up and went to my room, locked the door, i lay in my bed and then stared at the ceiling, and again started wondering...why cant he love me the way that she loves her? is it because im just always one of the boys, do i always give that vibe towards the male species? am i just another ear for them to pour their heart out?... nakakapagod na, but then again why do i always end up being there for him even if he's not there for me?

This is when tears started welling up... it's stupid but i started feeling sorry for myself and started asking myself, am i ugly? hindi nga ako siguro yung girlfirend type, i mean why do guys want their hearts to be broken anyway? bakit hindi nalang sila dun sa taong mamahalin sila? This is why i always space out, too many questions and they 're always left unanswered. and i thought falling inlove was easy! pfft! well, that is if the person that you've fallen in love with can see where you're looking from...