Single....

First day of school is always been excited for me, eto nanaman ako on my junior year and so much excited to be back to see my friends.. I already have a long list of things to do and places to go this semester, lalo na ngayon single nanaman ako! yahooo! I just cant quit on thinking billiard nights, getting drunk nights and parties that are endless! all of which my parents and my lola (where i live) have no idea or whatsoever of what is going on with my social life when im in school...

"Angeeee!!!" I screamed across the hallway of our building calling on to my closest friend at school. We were both ecstatic to see each other, we have the same classes yet again. We are inseperable... again! " Trix!!!! oh how was your break?" she asked with so much enthusiam and interest. " ayun same ole, went to the stated to see kuya for three weeks, lam mo na little R&R chaka malayo na din kay you-know-who." i said. "sus talaga ba namang over na yan?" she asked. " oo naman, eh may bago na nga daw gf eh, from what i heard ah." i answered knowingly. and so we changed the subject and continued on with our conversation on how our break went.

For weeks of school i did nothing but party, play pool, get drunk and go to different clubs, 'twas so fun... I always would come home to my lola's house wee hours in the morning with my friends in tow so they could crash for a few hours before heading home.Good thing my lola was so used to the idea of raising 3 boys ( my dad and 2 uncles) that she was used to people coming home butt crack of dawn, minsan i would even lie about the time..(sorry lola!). She would wake up when were trying to tip toe going up to my room and asked what the time is and i would tell her, "aga pa la, 12am pa lang."i would say, even if it was almost 4am, then she would go back to sleep. This went on for months. I dont even know how i survived my classes, let alone yung gastos of going out. Until, just that one day after coming home from a party that i felt sad and so alone...so weird that i almost felt like crying... I mean I have friends that i can call, kaya lang for the first time since our break up i missed him so... i started asking myself "is this all there is? I gave him up for this partyin sh**t?"parang it doesnt make sense, now that im tired of it.

So I woke the follwing day, feeling that i have to revamp my lifestyle, sabi ko i think i've had enough of this. I need to focus more sa school ko and my life, when i realized this, i think i also made a huge realization, tama si mike... he was guiding me, ako lang ang matigas ang ulo, i thought i know better, but now that i've had enough i have nothing but regrets!!! The more that i wanted to changed the more it got lonelier for me... parang kulang na. I missed him so and I cant do anything about it... naisip ko, tahimik na din siya eh, and from what ive been hearing from his friends and from my friends back home, he looked like he's happy and contented na din... which made me realize what i've lost... I so wanted to be with him, call him, say hi to him and most importantly to apologized for all the bad things i've said, that i shouldnt have. ang laki ng pagkakamali ko sa kanya... ang dami ko ding pagkukulang inspite of everything that he did for me. I realized that everything was too late for me... for us!

I busied myself with school and with activities to keep me preoccupied, kahit na deep inside para kong nauupos na candila, parang hindi matapos yung pain. I know my friends can actually see and feel that but they try not to talk to me about it, parang hinayaan lang din nila na mag wallow ako sa sadness, they thought it was just a phase for me. Until one day....

"Ok, so for the english week, Miss Bautista will be directing the play for the class to be presented in two weeks, can you handle such activity Miss Bautista?"my english instructor asked. I was surprised and at the same time dumbfounded that i was given such opportunity. All I can hear are whoot and cheer of my classmates and i just went "yes ma'am, i will do my best." i answered with such nervousness in my voice. And so i went to work right away, as a director of the play, i chose the strongest staff i could get from the class, it was hella work but it was well worth it. It was a good therapy as well coz literally i was so tired that i'd go straight to bed when i get home and then wake up really early to do same thing again. I loved it, being tired all day and never stopping, there never was a stopping point for me. My staff was getting tired of me too, i was coined "the slave driver" coz i would make them work until wee hours in the morning. sadness still ate me all the time towards the end of the day. Then one day, i actually mis text mike thinking it was my staff. i remember vividly what was said on the exchange. "marg, please dont forget to show me the costings tom morning when we meet ok? thanks for hepl and good job today." i hit send and out it went, a little after a minute there was a beep on my phone,. thinking naku may nalimutan nanaman si marg... i was so surprised when i opened my inbox and there it was , it came from mike... sobrang gulat ko, i thought my heart was going to jum out of my throat, parang nanginginig pa yung hands ko when i was about to open my inbox. it read, "hu u?" and then my heart just fell... binura niya na pala ko sa list niya.. i guess i deserve that.. but it hurt so bad that i really got so emotional over it. the tears that i have been fighting off for the longest time started to come out. This is when i realized that i love him still.. i love him so... selfish of me to think or to even feel na i need him back, but one way or the other i have to find a way to talk to him again. i texted back; "sorry wrong sent, trix to, im sorry.." sent. never got a reply back after that... I turned off my lamp and drifted off to sleep holding my cell in my hand hoping that he would at least acknowledge me...never happend....