When morning comes...

And so I woke up the following day, more depressed than ever, i sat on my bed thinking... "talagang wala na yata 'to, pro bakit ganto pakiramdam ko? im the one who wanted this di ba? then how come i have all these regrets?" I have to drag my whole body to get out of bed and go to class, after all i have a big day today. I have all this projects that i have to take care of, my mind's trying to stay focus on today's tasks. As i was in the shower thinking of things that i still have to take care of, tears were already rolling down my cheeks, until i just started crying.. i let it all out... wala namang makakadinig sa kin eh so ok lang... the shower pretty much drowned my muffled cries.

"oh trix ano naman nangyri sa mata mo? sama ba gising?" angie asked me as i walked in the auditorium door.
"napuyat lang kagabi, hindi ako makatulog eh." i lied. she then looked at me like she heard what i was thinking.
"liar! si mike yan noh? what happened?" she asked. that's what i love about her, she could read me like the palm of her hands. after she asked me that i pulled her to the side to avoid people staring and poured my heart out. Again, iyak to death nanaman ako nun, it felt like i was desperately in need of someone to let it out to. Good thing that i dont have to talk as much kasi i know that no matter what, i know that of all the people, ange is the one who can and will understand what is going on.

"so anong plano mong gawin ngayon." she asked with a sigh after listening to my so called crisis. "hindi ko din alam eh, i guess i just want to see him, talk to him perhaps, puntahan kaya natin sa school? what do you think?" i asked.
"huwwwaaattt??? nasisiraan ka na ba talaga? ganyan ka na ba talaga ka desperate?" she asked, her voice getting a little louder.
"ssshhhh, wag namang maingay." i told her. "sorry pero yun lang din kasi yung alam kong gawin for now eh. please naman gie oh.. samahan mo lang ako, then after that promise ko i'll stop when i find out kung talagang masaya na nga siya.. please..." i begged.
"ok ok fine! naku cristina, basta just this one time ok? after this we're done." she agreed.
"sige let's go after we get out today." i told her as i walked away before she could change her mind.

The day went out fast. but for me it was as slow as a turtle. I just cant wait to see him, talk things out with him. God i miss him! And so we commuted to his school. and then she asked:
"teka what does his sched look like?"
"ummm ewan ko din eh, but i know he should still be in here baka palabas na din yun." i said quite nervous thinking na baka nakauwi na yun.
"you mean to tell me trix, that you dont have the faintest idea what time he gets out of class?" she asked.
"sorry gie, hindi ko naisip yun eh, andito pa yun for sure, its still too early for him anyway." i said.
So as we were arguing we did not even notice that he was walking out of the campus.
"Shet! Trix yan na ang prince charming mo!!!" she exclaimed pointing to where he was coming from. We were quite far though.
As i was trying to ready myself in approaching him i didnt notice that he was with someone. he was holding hands with someone. This, i did not notice for i was so fixated looking at him, missing him...
"Shet gie, may kasama, theyre heading this way.. hide!!!" we dashed and hid behind a rundown jeep. and as we did, ange kept on talking and mumbling words that even i cant decipher anymore, i was just so focused on the fact that he was so near yet so far and... with someone else. I was so focused on staring at his face, God I really do miss him! He looked happy and carefree, that he didnt even notice that we were in fact a few feet away from him. after they were gone...
"O, ayan ah, napagbigyan na kita,siguro naman you'll stop this nonsense di ba?"ange said.
"tara uwi na tayo." i said.
As we commuted our way back to our place, i was completely blank and numb. sounds dumb and pathetic but it did felt like my whole world came crashing down, pinipigil ko lang umiyak kasi nakakahiya sa mga tao, but as soon as we got to my place and ange laid he hand on my shoulder, ayun na, dire direcho na iyak ko nun, ange and I need not to exchange words, hindi na din namin kelangan yun.. alam na namin eh, hindi ko lang din matanggap na that was it. And worse... i cant accept it....