another chapter

The first semester of my freshmen year as a college student was pretty good oh wait a minute it was hella good! It was so convenient without the long commute home, my university was about 10 minutes away from lola's house, which gave me more time to participate with extra curricular activities like more time for outreach programs for my college and i even volunteered myself as an assistant in the Dean's office, which meant that i made Mike's life a living hell...

"sabi ko na nga ba daming magbabago eh." he said sadly as we were having lunch at a local cafeteria.
"ano ka ba mike?! yan ka nanaman with your complains...i still do make time for you, for us di ba?" i said, getting irritated with the same argument every single time we hang out. but for one thing he was right, may be i was just too scared to even admit it. we became strangers overnight, we can no longer talk about things without having an argument, its either he gets jealous of how much time i spend time at school or i get mad at him for not being supportive. I became a social butterfly, and he spent more time in seclusion.

"bakit ba kapag kasama mo yang mga barkada mo yung ngiti mo hanggang tenga na? kapag ako kasama mo kulang sumayad yang nguso mo!" he said knowingly. ok, that's just it!
"bakit din ba kelangang maging diskusyon ang mga kaibigan ko sa tin?!" i said heatedly. i was trying so hard to lower my voice, but this has got to stop. i cant do this anymore, i just want him to support me and to understand me. and yep this long distance thing is already taking its toll on both of us, masakit na sa ulo!
"so what do you want me to do mike?" i asked
"spend more time with me, quit your extra activities and be with me. "
"ok ka lang? do you know how happy iam with what im doing? do you have any idea how important those things are for me?"
"mas importante pa ba sila kaysa sa kin?" he asked. this time i just grabbed my tray, threw out my food in the garbage and started walking away from him, i was just so upset hindi ko na din alam kung may sasabihin pa ko.
"so that's it you're just going to walk away?" he asked trying to catch up.
"ano pang gusto mo sa kin mike? why can you not just be happy for me? bakit ba palagi mo nalang pinamumuka sa kin na iiwan na kita? i know im not!"
"natatakot ako trix." he said, "im just so scared of losing you." he continued with his voice cracking.
"i wont ok? not this way, i know i might have changed alot but please know na hindi kita pagpapalit." i reassured him.

ok so i have a confession to make, this past few days i made some realizations: i started asking myself, "why am i with mike? is it because i got used to being with him? or do i still love him?"i know, i know... masama yung iniisip ko, its just that sometimes naiisip ko na sagabal na siya sa success ko, na i could've done so much more without his whinning and bickering. am i being mean? or being true to myself? minsan din i have this feeling inside me na instead na excited ako to finally see him after a long day at school, i would dread seeing him.. para bang scary na and hindi na exciting yung pagkikita namin dahil alam ko na mauuwi lang sa away. onthe other hand naman when were together and we dont talk about school or we just hangout on the weekends when i go home, parang iba nanaman yung mundo namin, it was when we'd find ourselves not having any qualms about anything. so for some reason im caught in the middle of something scary. i can feel that all along he's right about changes im just to chicken sh*@ to admit it!

i took a deep breath and said, "see, nasayang lang yung lunch break natin sa pagaaway lang.. tsk tsk."
"im sorry kung ang selfish ko ah, gusto ko kasi akin ka lang, the thought of you spending more time with school and friends... ayoko nun." he said kissing my hand.

whoa!!! what??? tama ba yung dinig ko? i wanted to press more argument with what he just said, but chose to keep my mouth shut instead, that'd be another squabble i thought. that made me think though, paano nalang kung mas lumaki na yung responsibilities ko with school work and outreach programs? maiintindihan niya kaya?or are we going back to the same argument? much worse would we go our separate ways?

moving on...

"understand? trix naman, how am i suppose to undertsand this? bakit ka nagdecide ng hindi ako tinatanong?" he said trying to lower his voice so my parents wouldn't hear. yes, i made a decision and i hope it's not a bad one, i chose to move to my lola's house in manila. Is that bad? kala ko kasi maiintindihan ni mike eh. i tried weighing in all the pros and cons of moving to manila. and unfortunately the pros won :
pros:
near my university
lapit sa gimikan
i have my own room
i have my own telephone line
no parents
no hassle
no traffic
freedom!

cons:
away from mike!

I've thought alot about this, i mean hindi naman din kasi biro ang commute from cavite to manila, even if mike's driving the traffic is just infuriating! but of course mike, upon hearing this was not too happy.

"eh mike naman mas gusto kasi nila daddy na dun nalang ako titira, tas uuwi nalang ako ng weekend." i lied, it was always up to me to decide where i wanted to stay, but for him to understand i have to lie that my parents were the ones who wanted me there. i hate lying, but there's no other way for me to explain to him how important this is for me.
"so ganun nalang yun? weekend nalang tayo magkikita?" he asked, finally giving up on the issue.
"no, its not going to be like that, pwede mo naman akong puntahan sa school eh kunyari lunch or something di ba? kaya nga may sasakyan ka na eh." i suggested.
"trust me trix, madaming magbabago... when you get the taste of freedom and living on your own.. magiiba lahat." he said
teka, why is he being negative on this, its not like im moving out of state or something, as if we're really too far from each other. with him thinking like that got me a little bit scared.
"basta promise trix, hindi ka magbabago ah?"
"mike ano ka ba? what are you talkin about me changing? hindi noh... kahit ano mangyri tayo pa din ang magkakampi ok? you taught me that remember? we'll be ok."

So eventually, he agreed for me to move out, i didn't realize how hard it was for him until i started moving my stuff to my lola's house. both of were in my room and i was tryingto pack most of my stuff until he fell silent and started looking at me...
"HUY! mike what's the matter? ok ka lang?"
"wala lang kasi parang ang layo mo na agad eh, hindi ka pa nga nakakalipat nalulungkot na ko agad." he said giving me a puppy dog look.
"My god naman mike, para nmang ang layo layo ko na..."
"hindi lang ako sanay ng malayo ka sakin, kaya ako takot."
"naku mike, if anything i should be the one to be worried, kasi ako im sure who i wanna be with eh ikaw?" i said trying to give him a reassuring grin.
"oo naman."
"o yun naman pala eh, so what's there to be scared off?" i asked.
"basta, you promise na hindi ka magbabago ah?"
"i told you i promise" i said holding up my right hand for him to see that i was sincere.

and then with that we both continued packing.

"o ano sasama ka pa ba kila lola?" i asked him as i was loading my stuff in the van.
"hindi na, just make sure na makablik ka in time for the mass ha?" he said. yeah, that's mike we have this certain hour wherein we have to go to church and attend mass.
"dont worry i'll be back in time, saglit lang naman din siguro kami dun eh, if anything text nalang kita."
"naku, trix, no excuses basta kahit na anong mangyari antyin nalang kita sa church ok?" he said.
"ok o sige pasok na ko dami ko pa ding kelangang i pack eh." i said giving him a peck on the cheek and i walked in the house to finish packing.
"ok, bye love you." as he waved goodbye.

"dad, eto na yung last na kahon, ala nang ibababa." i called after my dad. we just got to lola's house, of course trafiic was bad and lunchtime was nearly over. i was looking at my watch evry once in a while because i promised mike i'd be back in time for the mass.
"trixie, ano ka ba? kanina ka pa tingin ng tingin diyan sa relo mo?" my mom asked getting annoyed.
"eh kasi ma, sabi ko kay mike babalik ako agad kasi hindi pa kami nag sisimba."
"aba sabihin mo kay mike madami pa tayong gagawin dito. kelan pa palang pinturahan yung kwarto mo, lilinisan pa yun para matulugan..." she said.
uhoh! this is bad im pretty sure that he'd hate me after i tell him this.. paano ba to?
"ma, sigurado ka ba na hindi tayo makakauwi on time?" i asked her again.
"eh sino naman ang gusto mong mag ayos ng kwarto mo? lola mo hindi tayo makakuwi agad, baka dito na din tayo maghapunan. o sige na akyat mo na tong iba mong gamit sa taas." she asked trying to brush me off.

naku patay!!! lagot ako kay mike. well, im sure he'll be ok with it... well you know what this time i think i blew his lid off.

"ano???!!! di ba may usapan tayo??" he screamed at me over the phone.
"eh hindi nga matatapos agad yung mga kelangan dito eh." i said
"ano ba naman trix...ok na nga lang sa kin na lumipat ka diyan pati ba naman yung oras nating dalawa mababawasan pa?" grabe talaga yung gigil niya.
"mike, be reasonable naman." i said trying to lower down my voice kahit na galit na din ako.
"reasonable??? ako pa ngayon ang kelangang maging reasonable.. ikaw na nga ang mangiiwan ako pa ang reasonable?" he said. this time i lost it too...
"ano bang iiwan ang sinasabi mo? bakit ba la ka nang bukang bibig kungdi yang iwan iwan na yan? lilipat lang ako mike isa pa pamilya ko ang kasama ko, hindi ibang tao! bakit kelangan mo kong orasan when im with them?"
" o ngayon ako na yung mali? you shouldnt have promised kung alam mo palang hindi ka makakabalik on time!"
"grrr!!! alamo mo mike walang pupuntahan tong usapan na to! bahala ka!"
"kita mo na, this is what im scared off, hindi ka pa nakaka alis nag babago ka na."
"im tired of explaining myself, we'll talk when i get back!" with that i slammed the phone down.

"oh bakit? away nanaman kayo ni mike?" my mom asked.
"yeah! nakakainis ma, ang higpit niya and he cant understand any of this.. kung bakit kelangang akong lumipat."
"trix, you know from the very beginning hindi ako nakialam sa inyo ni mike, pero all im saying is prang masyado na yata ang argurments niyo tungkol dito, masyado pa kayong mga bata para maghigpit siya ng ganto. dont you think? dapat nga he should undertsand and be supportive of this, aba magandang opportunity 'to for you." for the first time my mom made sense. pero bakit ganto ang feeling parang tama sila pareho. Its scary to think about it, my mom was right about mike, and mike is right about the changes that's going to happen. nakakatakot yung feeling kasi at the back of mind i know mike's right... madaming magbabago kapag andito na ko...

ch-ch-changes...

"trix tanggap na ko!" mike said on his text message with the smiley face at the end of the text. He finally got his letter from the university that he was applying for, He was so proud to get accepted because it was his father's alma mater.

oooopppsss, im sorry to have jumped my story this far, recap: the night of his senior year went out great by the way, there were good people, good music and of course good food, not to mention that one of his buds got crowned king of the night which made our group the center of attention which was really fun! and then summer came, i got really excited coz now i know i'd have more time to hang out with mike.. well it was just wishful thinking on my part. He and I became really busy going over applications for universities and colleges. He was really aiming on this one school where his dad graduated from and it would mean alot to his parents if he gets in,and lucky for him he did

"that's good news :)" i replied back. hooo! finally we'll have time to relax, it had been hectic this past few weeks, luckily i myself got in the university that i was rootin' for. "ok i'll see you tonight sa bahay ha? dinner tayo i'll cook." i sent him another message.
"sige! that'll be good." see you hal! love you!" he sent back.
Hay salamat, sa wakas we could just chill and talk about this... whew!

and so i cooked for him for dinner and of course for the whole family na din. food for dinner was sinigang and by the time that my parents got home dinner was ready... as everyone was trying to settle down their sits, dumating si mike.

"oh mike, tamang tama ang dating mo.. lika na kain na." my dad invited him.
"ah opo thanks po tito."
so we all sat down and said our graces. then we started eating and chatting happily then my dad asked him a question: "oh ano mike natanggap mo na ba yung letter mo dun sa university na gusto mo?" he asked.
" ah eh.. opo tito, kanina ko lang din po nakuha eh."
"naku, siguro your parents are so proud of you ano?"
"oo nga po eh, lalo na si daddy ."
"naku etong si tixie, kakatanggap lang niya din nung letter niya and we're actually planning to move her dun sa lola niya, ang layo kasi ng commute eh, lam mo naman ang traffic." my mom interrupted.

wait a second... did i just hear my mom tell mike that i might move to lola's house in manila??? uhoh! not good.. ok mom drop it! not infront of mike, we havent even talked about it yet...

"ah talaga po? hindi pa ho nababanggit ni trix sa kin," he said politely as he tried to swallow his food.
"eh kasi mike hindi pa naman sure yun eh." i said looking back at my mom giving her the look to drop the subject, but i guess she cant take a hint.
"chaka lam mo naman delikado na din ang panahon ngayon kaya mas maigi na din yung andun siya sa lola niya, para hindi din mahirapan mag pabalik balik dito sa bahay." my mom said.
"eh ikaw mike, commute ka lang din ba?" my dad interrupted.
"umm, binili po kasi ako ni mama ng bagong sasakyan eh, ok nga po tito kasi di ba, kahit hindi na umalis si trix kahit hatid sundo ko nlang siya." he offered, looking at my mom.
"naku mike, sige nga at pagiisipan namin ng tito mo."
"ma, iba nalang muna pagusapan natin halos buong summer na ito yung pinaguusapan eh." i said.

and so we did, we started talking about, how each other's day went. After dinner I offered to do the dishes and mike offered to help out, at least we both have time to talk about the "moving out" deal, which of course he didnt know and much worse i didnt! as i was carrying all the dishes towards the sink, mike started talking..

"lipat ka din pala sa lola mo eh noh?" he asked wiping off the table.
"ano ka ba, hindi pa naman yun sigurado eh, ni hindi pa nga namin napaguusapan yun, ito lang si mommy ang mapilit." i said.
"eh paano yan kapag nag decide sila na dun ka na? paano na tayo?"
"ito naman wala pa nga eh, di bale sabihin kay daddy may sasakyan ka na naman kaya pwede mo na ko hatid sundo." i said.
"hmm. bahala na." he said giving me a smack on the lips, then he just shrugged his shrugged his shoulders.

When mike left i went to my parents' room to discuss the "moving" issue.
"ma? totoo ba? plano niyo ni dad na dun ako kila lola sa manila?" i asked.
"well, titignan natin kasi lam mo naman na mahirap na ngayon eh, ang layo ng commute mo everyday, tas yung klase mo 8 nagsisimula, eh di anong oras ka niyan aalis dito?"
"isa pa anong oras ka niyan makakauwi, delikado pa naman ngayong panahon na to."my dad said looking up from the tv.
"eh dad may sasakyan naman si mike eh, siya nalang ang hatid sundo sa kin di ba?"
" paguusapan namin ng daddy mo, sige na magpahinga ka na." my mom said.

the issue was not even finished. even my sister was on to me as i entered our bedroom, she had a different opinion about it though.
"ate, ano titira ka kila lola?" she asked.
"ayoko! paano si mike di ba? naku sigurado mapa praning yun."
"pero ate, tignan mo nalang, si lola hindi naman yun strict, tapos imagine may sarili kang room and you can do whatever you want. ang lapit mo pa sa mga gimikan?" she said with a hint of envy.
"hmmm, hindi ko naisip yun ah, pero just the thought of it that sounds really interesting."
"di ba? tutal naman may wheels naman si mike so magkikita pa din kayo araw araw di ba?"

she has a point, and that idea made me think twice about being here. hmmm? parang ang sarap nga kila lola and to think na hindi naman siya strict and tama nga sis ko ang lapit lang ng mga gimikan dun, i can do whatever i want di ba? pero... paano si mike? he hates the idea of me going out on my own, let alone moving out and living alone with my lola...how can i tell him that, and the more i think about moving, the more inviting it becomes...shoot! is that bad? me having the idea of moving out??? naku patay ako nito kay mike kapag sinabi ko yung feelings about moving, but i dont know, maybe he'll like the idea of change? gosh! this is scary, i should just wait for my parents' decision the i'll go ahead and tell him after.
"ate si mike asa phone." my sister interrupted my thoughts.
"ah ok, sige thanks. hello?" i said as i answered the phone.

i guess i have to keep it as a secret for now, i have to think hard about this new opprtunity hopefully, he'll understand...

the night

"ano payag ka na?" he asked getting annoyed.
"no i dont want to!" i answered combatively.
"eh bakit?"
"eh sa ayoko, coz i just dont do those kinda things." is all i said.

i know i know, most of you would think the obvious but no, he wasn't asking me to sleep with him, he was actually asking me to go to the prom with him. See here's the thing, i dont like wearing dresses let alone a "gown" so this idea of me getting all made up and going to a formal party is a big no-no, and of course i feel guilty of even saying no considering Iam now the girlfriend. Yes! "the girlfriend" damn straight! but the thought of him bringing me to his school and introducing me this buds is just too much of a thought for me, oh yeah by the way he goes to an exclusive school, so i would think that most of the guys there would be bringing in lots of hot gals, i mean it's going to be a beauty fest there for all i know, so i decided to not go with him...

"besides, ano naman isusuot ko dun di ba?" i asked trying to drop the subject.
"bibili tayo, pati gown, dress everything sumama ka lang.." he pleaded
"naku mike gagastos lang tayo, hindi na ayoko talaga."

so he just siged and turned his back on me. he was just frustrated because after all the pleading and all the beeseching he got nothing out of me and when i saw this, it broke my heart seeing him like this

"mike! kainis ka naman, sige sige na nga if you wanted me to go that much then we'll go.." the you could just see how happy he was, he's face just lit up.
"talaga?! ok! sige sige, we'll get whatever dress you want! yes!!!" then with that he gave me a huge sloppy kiss on the lips. right then i knew that wearing a stupid gown would be worth it.

so there we were in the mall trying to pick the dress the i want but unfortunately there was none, as in nada.. zip! i was already getting frustrated with everything.. from choosing the dress, down to choosing the right pair of shoes...

"mike, sure ka ba na kelangan ko pa mag formal ek ek na to?" he just looked at me and said.
"look trix, if you're trying to get off this, trustme you wont be able to." he smiled at me and he was sooo cute i have to kiss him which i did.
"eh kasi ang sakit na ng paa ko, ang sakit na ng ulo ko wala pa din tayong mahanap!"
"naman 'to, and you're suppose to be the girl here, ikaw dapat yung patient sa shopping, not me."
"Arrrggghhh! this is just sooo frustrating! lam mo mike i think its better for me to go get mags nalang and then maybe she could just go ahead and help me out, what do you think?"
"so are you trying to say, im not much of a help?" he asked trying to tease me.
"hindi naman, but dont you think its time i ask for a women's help?" i said snuggling to him.
"ok ok sige text mo nlang si mags, and asked her to meet you out here sa mall. then i'll leave you girls to your shopping ok?"
"Ok. thanx mike!" i said happily

so i sent her a message and she happily agreed to meet me at the mall, damn! im so luck to have a good boyfriend. so i met up with her and again went around the mall to find a dress and binggo! we found the right one. why is it so much easier to be with a gal pal to go shopping around with? and of course maggs will help me out to do my make up and my hair, wait a second? im starting to sound like a girlie girl.. ewww...im even acting like one... OMG! this is bad!

so the much awaited night came and i was so nervous and my palms was just doing its overtime sweatin' grrr.... i hate it when hands do that, but i cant believe what i was seeing when i was standing infront of the mirror...

"wow trix! parang hindi ikaw ah?" mags exclaimed.
"i know..." i was just staring at myself surprised what magic make up and a dress could do.
"mags, baka pagtawanan ako ni mike nito, hindi pa parang ang kapal ng make up ko?"
"hindi yan, ganda bagay sa yo, you should wear make up more often."
"tsk tsk, grabe ha kakagulat ichura ko, hindi ba ko mukang bakla sa ermita niyan?"
"si trix kung anu anong naiisip, just relax and have fun tonight, im sure magugustuhan ni mike yung suot mo."
"mags! mags!" that was mag's mom shouting from downstairs, "si mike andito na."
"naku shet! mags kinakabahan ako!" i said trying to wipe off my hands.
"yes ma! baba na kami" she called out, then she turned at me "Oh trix andyan na si mike ah, in fairness on time siya", she said looking at her clock by the nightstand. "basta i need you to relax and try to enjoy the night you look great."
"ok." was all i could say then i took a deep breath and started down the steps.

you wouldnt believe how nervous i was, and when i was climbing down the stairs i felt like i was that girl from she's all that... hindi nga lang ako nahulog sa hagdan. so i was just watching my steps and when i finally got to the bottom, mike was there and he was just staring.
"wow! ayos ah, ngayon lang kita nakitang ganyan.. i like it. thanks mags!" he said looking at her and waving
"you like? ang weird ng feeling eh, hindi din kasi ako sanay."
"i like it, you look stunning! tara na para mapagmalaki na kita sa mga kabarkada ko." he said.

So we drove in silence on our way to his prom thing and i can see from the side that he kept on looking.
"ano? kakainis naman to eh." i asked starting to get conscious.
"eh kasi naninibago ako eh, you look different and dont get me wrong you are so beautiful with the dress and all. dapat i should ask you out on formal stuff more often." he said beaming at me.
"sira!" i said as i smacked him playfully on his shoulder. " huli na to ah, im not used to this kind of stuff.
so basically we just started talking about the prom and what to expect and he would compliment me ever so often, it was actually the only time that i felt that i was really beautiful thanks to him. as we were fast approaching the hotel, mas lalo akong kinabahan, not only would i be facing most of his buds but i'd be around prettier girls. competition! i guess it's a woman's thing but everytime you come around with so many girls, you'd always compare yourself to them no matter how much your boyfriend tells you that you're beautiful.

"trix, you ok?"
"yeah im fine, kinakabahan lang ako." i said nervously.
"dont worry hindi naman kita iiwan, magkakampi tayo remember. i'll be here."

and so he took my hand and we walked in the hotel. the hotel was grandeur. It has an awesome design and have that underwater effect. they have the blue and white theme for the school colors and they have an awesome dj too.. so there we were standing awkwardly at the door as he led me to meet his friends, i was so nervous i guess he felt that because he squeezed my hand tight trying to tell me that everything's going to be ok.

"hey guys.. i want you to meet trixie... my girlfriend."

and after he said that i knew everything was going to be ok.

as good as it gets

as i walked away from him, i have to hold back my tears, then as i turned my back from him, then that was when it did hit me... shouldn't i be happy ngayon na alam ko na what he was really feeling? shouldn't i be jumping for joy, now that he finally admitted that he have feelings for me? then why the hell am i turning away from the man of my dreams, and walking away from him?

is it because it was the feeling of being the second choice hit me? maybe.. well wait a minute i think it is. and of course the fact that i have to be sure that he wanted me for who iam and not because i resembled or because i am a part of maggie's life.

"trix you ok?" mags asked as we were getting ready to leave the clubhouse. i actually didnt have the energy to stay at the party to so i just started packing my stuff so i could go home and go to the solace of my bedroom.

"mags panget ba ko? bakit ako laging second choice? i asked, again getting teary eyed and trying to prepare for mags' response.
"ano ba yang pinagsasabi mo? ano bang nangyri sa yo?"
"he finally told me mags! he finally did! may gusto daw siya sa kin!"
"oh yun naman pala eh, isnt that suppose to be good news!" she happily said, and i swear i think she was so happy she almost fell off the bench that we were sitting on.
"i know it should be... pero bakit ganun yung feeling ko? i feel like wala nalang siyang choice that's why he had to tell me that, parang it just gave him no choice but me? tama ba na maramdaman ko yun?"
"trix, dapat nga maging masaya ka, this is suppose to be one of the happiest days for you, ito na yung matagal mo nang inaantay di ba? and if anything di ba sabi ko naman sa yo, mike doesnt deserve anyone but you."
ewan ko mags, gusto ko lang siguro na for him to prove himself, i want him to be sure on what he really wanted... hindi naman masama yun di ba?"
"i guess yo're right on that note, pero sige tignan nalang natin, if he really wants you then he'll do everything to have you di ba."

when i got home, my room was my only consolation.. i know i know.. ang O.A. for me to even act this way di ba? kung ito na nga yung gusto ko eh ano pa ba ang inaarte ko di ba? all those kilig moments and all those questions were finally answered.. lahat ng mga inaantay ko nangyayari na ng dahan dahan lang and that's suppose to be good. i know kababawan lang for me to feel this way, but i guess im just being true to myself. so haters be gone!

Senior year came and of course no word from mike yet, baka nga na realize niya na nagkamali siya ng mga sinabi... maybe all along he thought he had that feeling but then realize that it was all for nothing.. so ako no choice but to move on. then one day as i was walking home from school, guess who was at my door?

"mike! anong ginagawa mo dito?" i asked.
"trix, we need to talk..." those four words hit hard, yun pa lang yung sinasabi niya my palms started getting clammy and i think my heart would leap out of my chest.
"ahh ok, lika pasok ka.." i invited him in.
as we walked in our house, i felt that it was really akward being near him, i just wished that the floor would swallow me whole 'coz i cant think of anything to say to him but i tried to act cool (as always) and have my game face on.. kinda like the look na, "ok so bring it on"
"so what brings you?"
"trix, hindi ko din kasi lam kung paano ko to sisimulan.. i dont even know if you'd actually believe me, pero kahit na hindi mo ko paniwalaan i just want you to hear me out, after nun then you can throw me out of your house more of you can throw me out of your life if you want, pero kelangan ko lang sabihin sa yo to before i lose it."

i was just staring at him and this time my game face was just gone, i knew then that my facial expressions would just tell him everything...

"ok , so what is it mike?" i asked nervously.
"here goes and all i want is for you to just listen ok..." he took a deep breath and continued "i know that even from the beginning you were there for me, ikaw yung nasa tabi ko nung nabalian ako, you were the one who made me do things that i didnt even know that im capable of doing, you've changed me into a whole different person.. dont take it the wrong way, those changes was for the better...kapag kasama kita you can bring out the best and worst in me, kaya kong maging yung totoong ako kapag andyan ka, yung hindi ko na kelangang mag pretend that im someone, heck i dont have to impress you at all! i realized i've been acting a jerk and literally been blind for the longest time about my feelings for you.. ngayong na realize ko na kung gaano ka kaimportante sa kin, i'd do anything to prove that to you, kahit na itaboy mo ko and kahit na pagtawanan mo ko, i'll stay here, i'll wait. whatever it takes... i dont want to lose the only person who actually listens. all im asking is just a chance yun lang..." then he breathed with a sigh and.. "there nasabi ko na."

funny thing was i was just sitting there staring at him, this time i was the one who was dumbfounded, wow! karma does happen fast huh.. ako naman yung walang masabi... ulitimately speechless. it was like one of those you-had-me-at-hello-jerry-mcguirre moments, that you just want to jump out of you seat and give him a huge hug and tell him the exact same thing. kaya lang speechless talaga ko eh.

"trix?... i think this is the time when you have to say something."
"umm...ahhh..ehhh.." then i just started crying right there infront him, parang hindi ko nalang alam yung sasabihin ko sa kanya, i guess i could call it tears of joy... i cant handle pretending anymore, hindi ko na din kayang itago yung feelings ko for him.. it was like one large thorn taken away from my chest as in isang malaking "haaaaaaayyyyyyy!"

All he did was hold me and i didnt have to say anything for us to understand each other we both knew. i guess you could call it a "kodak moment" for the first time i wasnt pretending, i dont even have a game face or a poker face on... i was just... happy! we both were...

sweet memories

those stories as i could recall are one of those moments that are really hard to forget, parang kahapon lang it seems... everytime that i'd go back and think about it, it always would bring back smiles, and yes it is true that sweet memories and even the bad ones basta memories they are really hard to forget... they usually play in your head like a god damn movie.. (ooopppsss sorry!). it just does that to you.. it plays over and over again, like a bad first date that would never end...

so there we were our last weekend of the summer and all of us were just hanging out by the pool of our clubhouse.. siyempre last weekend na namin so nilulubos lang , our summer turned out to be pretty good, except for the fact that mike and I stopped talking to each other, we'd always have those awkward moments, like we'd run into each other and we have no way out but to say "hello", hindi ko din lam kung bakit, he just started acting all wierd about everything, tahimik lagi and sometimes you'll see him staring at me and then when i catch him iiwas naman ng tingin.. di ba parang ungas??? sorry! but it sure does sound stupid di ba?

"trix, problema niyo ni mike? para kayong mga sira tayo tayo nalang hindi pa kayo nagpapansinan."
"lam mo mags, kahit ako nagtataka din diyan ever since nagusap kami sa may tapat ngbahay about errol he just stopped talking altogether." i said trying to glance at him, he was there by the pool playing around with the rest of the crew, they were trying to push each other in the pool.
"uuuyyyy, baka naman dahil dun sa kinuwento mo sakin about dun sa sinabi niya sayo?"
"sshhhh!" i said. "baka may makadinig sa yo."
"oh wellyan mo na trix, weird naman yan eh..."

and the she walked off and shrugged and joined the rest of them, i, on the other hand was just watching them, nakakainis lang kasi gusto ko sumali kaso lang baka ma out of place lang so i retreated and went to the patio to go get food... hmmm.. lunurin ko nalang sarili ko sa food. there i found eric eating munchies as well.

"huy erick, sabay na tayo ha, wala akong kasabay kumain eh."
"sige lang, ayan oh daming pang food" said he pointing on all the food that were all laid on the table. everything looks just good.
"huy trix, problema niyo ni mike? uyyyy kayo ah... LQ kayo noh?"
"tumigil ka nga diyan erick ewan ko ba naman sa ungas na yun kung anong problema niya eh, wala naman akong ginagawa sa kanya tas aartehan niya ko ng ganun. paki sabi mo nga sa kanya ha na kung may problema siya sa kin kausapin niya kaya ako!!!." i screamed at him.
"ummm.. eh kung ikaw nalang kaya magsabi sa kanya?"
"eh paano ko nga sasabihin eh hindi nga ako pinapansin?"
"ayan oh sabahin mo na, kanina pa nakikinig", he whispered.

OMG!!! yes, he is right behind me huh??? stupid! why does he always find a way to startle me and go behind my back anyway???

" o mike pare kain.. o sige iwan ko muna kayo puntahan ko muna sila sa labas." erick said and winked at me.

ok ok ok.. try to stay calm, and so i grabbed a plate and tried to choose what good food there is to eat, earlier i though all the food was good, i actually thought i was famished, but now him being there staring at me I dont feel like eating anymore. But as usual I tried to look that i was busy with choosing what i want to eat and then pretended that nothin that was goin' on, but i swear to god, i think he can hear my heart thumping! as in sobrang kinakabahan ako.

"o mike! kain ka oh, daming food." i said casually.
"sige lang maya maya na."
ok here goes, "mike, may problema ba tayo?" i breathed out. "kasi bigla mo nalang akong iniwasan eh, anong problema?"

ok there! yan ha nasabi ko na, but he did nothing but stare on the mailto:f*@& floor! nakakainis, i wanted to hit him in the head with a hammer para lang magsalita, but i guess he doesnt want to talk. so after being in an awkward in like 2 minutes.. and mind you, it was the longest 2 minutes of my life! i decided to just leave him alone and walk away,

"umm, ok!" i said giving him a sarcastic thumbs up and started walking away... at least i already asked right?

"trix! saglit lang...i's sorry for acting like a jerk, madami lang din kasi akong iniisip this past few days, i know it sound sooo pathetic."
"if you sound pathetic? no, if you were pathetic yes!" i said.
"ummm, you know i've been doing lots of thinking and i mean a lot!. lam mo yun, ang wierd... do you remember that one time that were talking about being-in-love-with-a-person talk? i was talking about you. i have this mixed emotions about you, hindi ako sigurado if i was feeling right... but then when errol started showing that he has interest in you, nagselos ako ng sobra, more than i've expected myself in doing so, hindi ko alam na capable pala ko magselos ng ganun. I was trying to play it cool para hindi mo mahalata, but that night that we had that talk, it was the edge for me, sabi ko "i have to tell her how i feel." and ngayon lang din ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob, im sorry... mahal na yata kita."

"yata" ano yun? what in the worl was that? hindi siya sigurado? bakit... all this questions were just hitting me like some meteor shower... hindi ko ma digest yung mga sinasabi niya, ang bilis eh.

"mike, seryoso ka? sigurado ka ba diyan sa mga sinasabi mo? baka naman kaya mo lang nasasabi yan dahil best friend ko si mags.. mike hindi ako si mags ok?"

he just stared at me, baka nga akala niya ako magiging kapalit ni mags.

"seryoso ko? oo!"
"im sorry mike, not like this, you're not even over maggie yet."
"Iam trix! Iam maniwala ka naman."
"I'll believe you when i see it, hindi mo ba alam kung paano ko nasasaktan everytime you look at her? everytime na tatanungin mo ko about her? hindi mo naman alam, kasi ayaw mong malaman, puro ka nalang maggie this and maggie that! im sorry mike, im happy to hear that you finally see me not only as a friend but as someone more than that, kaya lang please understand din na kelangan ko ding makita at malaman na sigurado ka sa gusto mo."

and with that i walked away leaving him dumbfounded...

sorry

so we were sitting side by side and trying to think of things to say.. kaya lang wala talaga eh, there's just nothing to talk about and there's just nothing to say but "i'm sorry"

"si mike noh?" it was errol who broke the silence.
"what does mike have to do with my decision?" trying to hide the fact and the obvious.
"evrything trix! i knew from the very beginning that you only have eyes for him, you're just too scared to admit it."
"hindi totoo yan! dont blame this on him, talagang i just dont have feelings for you errol, and kung pwede just respect that, hindi na nating kelangan mangdamay ng ibang tao." i said defensively.
"i'm sorry, but if you really like him then why cant you fight for him?"

teka teka teka!!! am i hearing this one right? si errol nagbibigay ng advice? this is really uncanny. i just told him that the "me and him" thing wont work and here he is giving me an advice to fight for Mike? Bakit?

"teka, errol whatever it is that i feel towards someone its my damn business, hindi mo na ko kelangan turuan."
"again sorry ulit dont get too worked up on what i said, its nothing personal, i just want to see you happy lam mo mo yun? kasi tuwing makikita nalang kita on how you look at him, lagi kong nakikita yung lungkot and at the same time yung saya that i never saw in you when you look at me."
"thanks Errol, even if i wanted to, alam naman natin that he's not for me, heis in love with someone and that person... si maggie."
"that was before trix! hindi mo na lam yan ngayon, lots of things have changed."
"no, ok lang , i'll be happy just by looking at him... ganun eh."
"ok trix basta, kahit naman ganto yung nangyri sa tin you know i'll be here for you and we know that you deserve someone better."
'thanks talaga errol for being there ha... and sorry talaga. so friends?" i asked extending a handshake.
"sure friends it is..." he replied taking my hand and shaking it, even though he said it, it doesnt really sound like he meant it.

with that he just turned his back on me and he started walking away. as for me my thoughts drifted back to those words that he told me "fight for him." naisip ko naman kelan pa nangyri sa history ng pilipinas na ang babae ang lumalaban para sa relationship na ni hindi naman nag eexist? parang hindi pa yata...that's the hard part of it. if you fight for what you want and for what you believe in, kung babae ka, they'll think you're too easy, if you play hard to get they'll say you're too picky... eh san ba talaga yung tamang pwesto?

i was really surprised with errol too you know? he handled himself well... and those things that he told me... about mike... talaga bang ganun na ka obvious? shet! if they could notice it, then why the hell cant mike notice it? if only we could teach our hearts ginawa ko na siguro, but i have this thing in me that i usually use my heart over my head, even though i've been struggling for so long to forget about him, i just cant... para na kong nalolokang ewan, just to get over him...

Summer's almost over for everyone and i guess all i can do is look forward to my senior year, that has to be something unforgettable right? graduating class na ko sa wakas! well as my thoughts were still at a loss for what's going to happen at the end of the summer, there was a tap behind me...

"shet! Mike ano ka ba???!!! kung san san ka naman nang gagaling eh, what are you doing here?"
"i should be asking you the same question, what are you doing outside your house at this hour?"
"excuse me, but you're not my dad, so bugg off!" i said.
"eto naman pikon agad..."
"ok what do you want?"
"wala lang, pauwi na din kasi ako and i saw you here alone, i ran into errol as well, galing siya dito noh? he asked.
"oo eh ano naman sa yo?"
"wala lang, he just looks weird you know, parang bangag! mababangga ko na hindi pa ko papansinin. wassup with that?"
"ahhh yun ba, wala nagusap lang kami about me and him. i told him that it's not going to work out for both of us."
"Really??? sinabi mo yun? sabi ko sa yo eh lolokohin ka lang nun eh, sabi ko na wag ka magpapaniwala dun." he sounded a little bit relieved.
"hoy! hindi ko siya binasted dahil nambabae siya ah! he was actually good to me, yun nga lang we just dont have anything in common, i'd be lying to him and to myself kapag nagcommit ako sa kanya."
"owwwwkkkk.. sorry! jeesh trix! drama nun ah... pero ok lang yun at least di ba sinabi mo yung totoo.so bakit ang lungkot mo pa din?"
"it's just aboout things that he told me, parang lahat kasi ng sinabi niya may sense eh."
"bakit so ngayon ba nanghihinayang ka na na binasted mo siya?"
"ummm hindi naman, it's just that he really is a good guy, hindi ko nga lang siya gusto, kung pwede ko lang turuan yung sarili ko na gustuhin siya i'll do it kaya lang may iba nang laman...." then i stopped myself.
"may iba nang...???? ano? he asked.
"wala.. masydo na kong nagiging dramatic"

phew! i almost blurted that one out loud. muntik na!but errol's words still lingered in me, his words became more of a struggle for me, between doing what is right and doing what makes you happy. then both me and mike just grew quiet for some time, until he asked me a question

"trix, have you ever had that thing happen to you, na you know that you've known that you already are inlove with this person and you just dont know it yet, until one day something happend and you just realize that she was this person that you're suppose to be with all this time?" he asked his face groing serious. and i being the stupid one tried to paly it off.
"huy mike! san naman nanggaling yan? why being so poetic all of a sudden?"
"no, seryoso ko. have you ever felt that?"
"ako? its different for me i've known all along and it doesnt have to have a certain situation for me to realize it." i said. yan ha sinabi ko na! i just dont understand what he was talking about. i dont know where it came from. Seriously it really was a big surprise for me. But after awhile he just started getting up and gettingready to leave.

"oh san ka punta?"
"uwi na ko, i have stuff to do at home." he said he voice now was low and sounded a bit upset.
"ah ganun ba? do you want to stay for dinner? sarap niluto ni manang adobo?" i said trying to sound enthused.
"nah! sa bahay nalang.. thanks anyway... sige twagan nalang?"
"ok sige ingat!"

and with that i was again left on my own... not to sound too arrogant, but was he talking about me? ako ba yun? or is it another one of his cliffhanger comments na hindi mo naman lam kung sino tinutukoy? and i thought we, women are difficult to understand!!! so are men! i wonder what was he talking about "the one thing that happened" hmmm ano yun? still left me shaken though, could be someone else, i dont know... i dont want to paly dumb and at the same time too arrogant kasi mamya hindi pala ko yun, pahiya lang ako... i guess all i can do for now is wait...

my phone call

"trix! trixxxiiieee!! telephone si mike! " my mom screamed from the living room good thing i have my phone extension in my room. i picked it up and...
"i got it mom." i waited util i hear the click sound on the other end of the line.
"hello? hello mike? balita?"
"Hi Trix! busy ka?" he asked and he sounded staticky.
"hindi naman, bakit? may problema ba?"
"hindi wala naman naisip ko lang tumawag....ah.. eh... asa hospital kasi ako eh, nabilaan ako kanina sa basketball."
"Ha!!! naku ok ka lang ba? san yung bali mo?" i hope i didnt sound so concerned but oh what the heck!
"sa wrist. mali kasi yung bagsak ko eh, pero ok lang labas na din naman ako bukas eh."
"Ahhh.. ok that's good to hear!" i sighed with relief.
"so ginagawa mo ngayon?" he asked trying to change the subject.
"wala lang nakahiga lang, walang magawa ang boring eh."

then he went ahead and said the unthinkable.

"tinawagan ko si maggs eh, busy naman yung phone nila, kaya tinawagan na din kita para hindi naman kayo mag alala." he said.

Huwaaaatttt!!! he called maggie first??? ouch naman mike! galing naman ng timing mo, kung kelan naman feeling ko i'm that important, sabay hirit ka naman! insenstive talaga! hooo!

"ah talaga? sige why don't you try calling her back again, baka hindi na busy."
"nah, ok lang baka kausap lang niya yung boyfriend niya, besides i'd rather talk to you.

my heart as always almost skipped with that, but learning from him he might just be acting nice.

"ah ok, so ano na?" i asked starting to feel irritated, that i was, again the second choice.
"umm wala lang, nakakainip kasi dito sa ospital eh, walang magawa. kwento ka naman."
"ano naman kwento ko nanaman?"
"ummm.. kahit ano, ano ginawa mo buong week?"

and there we went again, we started talking about what was going on and of course started talking about ourselves. it's wierd because this time our conversation was more in depth. we talked about our future, you know like what age do we plan on getting married, where we want to work at. all the stuff concerning our future. It's one of those times that even if i was really frustrated with him, he was the only one that i could really talk to about this kind of things. the only person whom i know won't laugh at me when planning for my future. but as the night was winding down, i know that both of us need to get some sleep especially him, he needs much rest.
"Paano mike, goodnight na, gabi na din, tutal naman uwi ka na din bukas, bukas nalang."
"ah ok sige, ang bilis ng oras hindi ko namalayan madaling araw na din pala."
"o nga eh, sige pahinga ka na. goodnight." i said and tried to stifle a yawn.
"ok sige trix good night!" and nga pala trix... ummm... this may sound weird pero gusto ko lang sabihn na lam mo ba when i fell on the ground and naramdaman ko na pilay na yung wrist ko, the first thing and the first one that came to my mind... was... you. sige good night!"
"ha! ikaw talaga. antok lang yan..! sige na goodnight!" then i hung up. OMG! what was that? san galing yun.. mike can really turn things just like that with his simple words! nakakainis na ah. haaayyy, paano na naman ako makakatulog niyan kung yun lang yung naiisip ko? naku naman!

So i clicked off my lamp and then tried to close my eyes and as i started drifting off to sleep i can only think of one thing, wait not one thing but one person... who else? si mike...

the drive home

It was fun while it lasted, lahat kami sobrang nag enjoy and of course all my realtives and cousins were all very accomodating. if only we could just stay there by the beach it'd be wonderful.

As for me and mike the days that followed after the incident was just a blur, we both acted like nunthin' happend. I mean i wish I looked and acted like nothing happened. On our drive home Maggie got shotgun, of course to hog the A/C. we drove back right after lunch. My nanay became fond of my friends, especially mike and insisted that they all come back for another vacation "maswerete and mapapangasawa niyang si mike, napaka maalaga niyan eh." i remembered her saying it. Sigh! i just wish i knew who it is. sana AKO nalang! but oh well.

Everybody was quiet on the first 30 min drive, until Daren said something,

"balik nanaman tayo sa normal noh? ang boring nanaman niyan, pag andun na tayo!"
"well, ano pa bang pwede nating planuhin aside from tambay?" bing chimed in.
"ano pa edi inuman nalang tuwing weeken kila mike, di ba mike?" Erick suggested
"kayo, bahala nalang kayo magplano basta ko kahit ano." then i just saw him looked at me from the rear view mirror. wait... was he really looking? o imagination ko lang yun?
"ay, mike daan tayo dun sa may mga fruit stand ha, bili tayo ng mga pampasalubong." that was maggie.
"ok, kelangan ko din naman bumili ng para sa mommy eh."

and then after that isa isa nang nagsimula pumuwesto para matulog, except me nanaman.. si Daren ayun naghihilik na ulit... haayyy might as well just play with my cellphone. yup! i do have one, hindi ko lang masyado naasikaso during our trip coz i was too excited to even pay attention to it. And then it was just like it read my mind it beep signaling that i have one unread text message. it said:
"Hi trix!kmsta trip nyo? on d way n b kyo? safe trip hme! ingat!mwah!" errol wrote.
I smiled at the idea that someone actually is anxious for me to get back home excep for my mom and dad.

"oh bakit ganyan ngiti mo? hanggang tenga?" asked mike from the mirror. i didnt even realized that he was watching me. WTF!
"kakagulat ka naman! basta secret!"
"si errol noh? naku nambobola lang yan! wag ka magpapaniwala sa mga sinasabi niyan."
"eh basta ako na may problema dun noh!" hmmp! inggit ka lang!" i teased

Since everybody was fast asleep anyway, we just started talking... again. we were talkin' about how the trip went.

"It wasnt so bad yeah?" he asked.
"I know, it turned out pretty good actually, greater that i've expected."
"buti nalang naisip mo tong trip na to. it made me realize lots of stuff, mas lalo ko nakilala bawat isa sa 'tin. mas lalo kong na aapreciate yung value ng isat isa."
"shet ang drama mo mike hindi naman bagay! yech!"

But honestly what he was saying was true, i have learned a lot from my friends and i value them more than anything after this trip, ang drama but it really is true. Even more, i realize that i was falling hard for mike. i saw how he was with everyone. kung paano niya alagaan yung mga girls na kasama sa trip. he he'd helped out with nanay with housework. He's so family oriented, lahat may plano na, lahat naayos niya, lahat may solusyon. not unlike me, lahat magulo... disoriented, no plans at all... siguro the only thing that we have in common is being family oriented. He was the "ONE" for me, ewan ko nga lang kung im the one for him... pero alam ko na naman kasi yung sagot sa tanong ko eh, he has eyes only for Maggie. yun lang yung sad part and he only sees me as his "buddy." how sad can that be?

"oiii! gising na lahat! andito na tyo! yung mga bibili ng mag pasalubong diyan gumsing na!" that was mike's voice from the driver's seat. i didnt even realize that i've dozed off.
"trix, gising na... tulo pa laway mo oh.. hehehe, biro lang." he said in my right ear.
i cracked one eye open for him, then when i saw him staring at him i just whacked him on his shoulder "yabang!" then went down the van and stretched my legs out.

"trix, do you want sit outfron on our way home, hindi kasi ako makatulog sa harap eh, you can have that spot" she said smiling and then winked at me.
"are you sure? sige."
"so anyupdates from mike? i meanyou like him dik ba?"
"ano ka ba? baka may makadinig sa yo." i said lookinfg around if someboday have heard. luckily no one was around.
"eh bakit totoo naman ah, halata naman eh, lalo ka na. the way you look at him eh ewan ko naman dito kay mike manhid naman yata eh."
"hindi lang siguro siya interesado." i said with a hint of bitternes in my voice.
"di bale, trix mag rersearch tayo thru his friends, malay mo di ba?"
"naku yaan mo na mags, baka hindi ko lang magustuhan yung mga malalaman natin. i'll just let it go."
i wanted to cry right there. paano nga kung hindi niya ko gusto? naku para namang dinurog yung puso ko nun. pero ok lang siguro i mean we never know errol might be the one, maybe if i give him a chance, maybe things would work out sa min di ba? whoa! ang layo naman na agad ng iniisip ko. oh well. why not?
"did you get something for tita?" maggs said trying to change the subject.
"hindi ko pa nakikita eh, ikaw may nabili ka na for your mom?"
uhuh!" all done, ayun oh andun pa sila Daren and Mike, abot ka pa sa pagbili."
"sige mags, you go ahead sa van bili lang ako sandali ng pasalubong."
"and trix! dont worry ok lang yan", she said before i disappeared in the crowd where Daren and Mike are.

I got the shotgun on the drive home, grabe sa taraffic nanaman and as usual tulog lahat wel, except for erick who has his compact cd on. and listening to his own tunes.me on the other hand was just too tired to say anything to mike, i was just staring staight ahead. then my cell beeped breaking the silence.

"AYUN!!! yun naman pala ang inaantay kaya hindi makatulog. tsak tsak! he said trying to peak at who the texter was.
"che! hindi kaya, hindi lang ako sanay matulog sa biyahe. chaka hindi ako nag aantay ng text noh." i said defensively.
"sino ba kasi yan patingin naman."
"wala ka na dun!" i said smiling and trying to hide my cellphone from him.
"naku alam ko na yata, si errol yan noh?"
well it was really my brother asking us where we're at but of course to keep the mystery going and was trying to check his reaction on the subject.
"eh ano naman kung si errol?"
"naku loko loko yun eh babaero pa."
"naku mike, that's my problem not yours eh ano naman ba yun sa yo."
"ummm w...wala concern lang ako, siympre kung mag kaka boyfreind ka mas maganda yung hindi ka lolokohin di ba?"
" oh yun naman pala eh wala, so buzz off!"
"ito naman pikon agad. yoko lang na masasaktan ka di ba? you know siympre kaibigan kita, kung may mananakit sa yo , naku mananagot sila sa kin!" he said trying to crack his knuckles and giving me that "macho" look.
"mike, yaan mo na ko and dont worry if anythingh kung masasaktan man ako ikaw una makaklam nun di ba? close na tayo diba? ganyan oh. trying to show him the "close"sign with my right hand.

and yeah did i hear him right? "kaibigan kita?" word, so i guess i got my answer right there huh? does it end there, talaga bang hindi na niya ko magugustuhan?sakit nun ah sapul! pero sige i'll act nothing happend iwas nalang muna siguro for now. i mean that's the best way right?

"Oh bakit nagsimula ka nanamang magsimangot diyan?"
"ah wala lang, nahihilo ko , kakapagod eh. tulog muna ko."
"oh kala ko ba hindi ka sanay matulog sa biyahe."
"well, i'll sit this one out." then i just leaned on the door and closed my eyes. trying to hold back my tears. and for him not see that i was getting teary eyed. i got my answer! i cant believe it.
hanggang dun nalang yun siguro yun? or maybe im just looking too much to it. i dont know, i'll i want is to go home.

my unforgettable summer part 3

So the next day, my wake up call was really loud, it was the rooster doing it's morning lung excercise as usual... gosh! tagal ko na ding hindi nakakadinig ng tilaok ng manok ah... i was the first one up

"Mike was right Daren really could snore!" i said to myself as i here Daren snoring away.
i went downstairs to help nanay prepare breakfast for everyone, but when i got there andun na si mike helping my nanay out.

"goodmorning sunshine!" mike said brightly
"mrnin' mike, mornin nanay! ang aga mo mike ah, i didnt know that you were a morning person?"
"well, im not, hindi lang ako sanay matulog sa ibang bahay so when i heard some noise down here na baka gising na yung mga tao i just went down here to help out."
"Naku Tixie eto namang palang si mike e napakasipag na bata eh ano?" may nanay came up from behind me with plates in her hand.
"naku nay, kunyari lang yang si mike nagpapalakas lang yan!" i said jokingly as i grabbed the plates from her hand and started helping her set the table.
"trix, kaw ha, hindi mo sinasabi sa kin na madalas ka pala dito sa nanay mo kapag summer, dito ka daw nagbabakayson nung maliit ka pa, at sabi ni nanay batang layas ka daw at gusgusin pa! hahahaha."
"Nay, naman eh, bakit niyo naman kinuwento un kay mike?" i said shyly damn! i knew i was starting to turn red. i wonder what else may nanay told mike about me?
"Naku naman tixie, eh totoo naman di ba? naku lam mo ba mike yang si tixie kahit tanghaling tapat kapag nag yaya mga pinsan niya na magpunta dun sa ilog naku walang dalawang salita yan at sasama!"
"ilog? may ilog dito trix? ang cool punta tayo? eh nay malayo ho ba yun?"
"eh hindi naman malapit lang, sige nga tixie samahan mo tong si mike bumalik nalang kayo agad ha, para kumain."
"eh nay, hindi naman sanay tong si mike sa mga ganun eh."
"ano ka ba trix, ok yun parang hiking adventure, tara!"
"ok, pero wag mo ko sisihin kapag hindi mo nagustuhan ah. sige nay balik nalang kami agad kapag nagising sila Daren paki sabi balik kami agad."
"sige mag iingat kayong dalawa at bumalik agad ha."

So we went trekking towards our so called river, i mean ever since i was a child i loved going there. It was like old school you know, my lola would take all our clothes there to have 'em washed and then eat lunch by the river. It was so fun. And there we were on our way mike trying to take all the scenery in and I was just lost in thought reminscing every detail when i was a child.

"Grabe dito noh? ang ganda! ngayon lang ako nakakita ng ganto you know?"
"Bakit di ba may province din kayo? sa baguio right?"
"yeah, pero you know how baguio is, it's already too commercialized, dami nang tourists, hindi katulad dito, its beautiful kasi alam mong hindi commercialized lahat, medyo scary din kasi puro puno, imagine walking here at night.. awoooooo!"
"yeah, yeah? ako, you're trying to scare me? have you forgotten that i almost grew up here?"
"Ay oo nga pala! wait what was that? i think i heard something. oh pleassse trixie save me from the monsters... please save me..." he was clinging to me and acting all dramatic. ha!
"Mike tumigil ka na nga, bilisan na natin malapit na naman tayo eh."
"ito naman, you're no fun!"

And then there it was... it still is sooo beautiful and it didnt change the way it was when i last saw it. It was still clean and you can still see a few people doing their laundry, the old school way..."hand wash" way.

"Wow! trix this is awesome!!! ang ganda! grabe!."

Mike was just awestruck. he was just staring at the river and trying to take evrything in.

"we should've brought our camera! sayang!" he said.
"oo nga eh. Oh well."
"Tara dun tayo oh sa may malaking bato na yun." he said pointing to this one spot by the river. He instantly grabbed my hand to pull me in the water so we could go there. Man! i could just die there! i felt like there was something in his hand that had electrified my whole being. in tagalog "sobrang kinilig ako!" and so i pretended that i didnt notice that he was holding my hand.
"ok ok teka wag ka namang magmadali baka madapa tayo."
"grabe talaga, ang ganda dito, sorry ha sobrang excited ako kasi ngayon lang din ako nakakita ng ganto eh."
"yeah i can tell." and yeah dont ever let go of my hand! sige lang enjoy the scenery and i'll enjoy your hand on mine! hehehe, i guess he heard what i was thinking and he just let go of my hand and he just sat on the rock and just stared at me, he never looked at me like that before. i was feeling awkward so i had to break the ice.

"Huy!" i said splashing him with cold water from the river. "hahaha! ay napalakas ang dami sorry!" i must've taken a handful of the water that i got his shirt wet. ooppss.
"ganun ha! so you wanna play rough eh?" and as he said this he just grabbed my waist and took me down with him.
"mike no!!!"
I guess it was too late for that because we both landed at the same time on the water, parang movie everything just stopped... him being on top of me. i mean this is a G-rated blog di ba? but what i mean is sparks just flew right there. or baka ako lang nakaka feel nun. parang may slow mo yung scene na yun, as in face to face ha, and then just when i was about to stare at his eyes he simply got up and shrugged it off.

"oooppsss! sorry, hehehe!" he said laughing as he helped me up.
"sira ka talaga mike yan tuloy lalakad tayo ng basa pauwi." i said trying to calm myself. i hoped i didnt sound nervous at all, i was trying to play it cool and nonchalant because i was shaking. Damn! we were like almost in a kissing distance and literally my knees were still shaking when he helped me up. hoo!!! I cant believe that it actually happened. I mean what was that. shoot!

"naku tara na nga baka magkasakit ka pa magalit sa kin si nanay."
"yeah she'd kill you if she finds out that you deliberately pulled me in." i said smiling.

our way back wasnt bad at all. I thought that it was going to be awkward but it was actually pretty cool. It was just plain fun. We were just kidding around, telling jokes and exchanging all time favorite stories back when we were practically still on our diapers. the conversation was just natural. when we got there the whole gang was already having breakfast.

"Oh anong nangyri sa inyong dalawa, bakit kayo basa?" asked maggie
"eh ito kasing si mike..." i wasnt even finished when he interrupted.
"anong ako? ikaw kaya nauna!" he playfully pushed me.
"yiheee! sounds like a fighting couple!" erick interjected
i just heard hoots of laughter and some yihees and yihaas when nanay came in
"naku tong mga batang to oh, tixie, mike magpallit na muna kayo ng damit bago kayo kumain ng almusal at baka magkasakit pa kayong dalawa, at kayo namang lahat sige na mag si kilos na kayo at ihanda niyo na yung mga dadalhin niyo papaunta kila alice sa aplya.
"yes nanay!" saluted Daren

everyone just started moving and helped each other to clear the table, except for maggie of course. being the nosy one she followed me in the room to barrage me with questions:

"What was that trix? you and mike? san ba kayo galing? bakit kayo basa?"
"Mags, ang daming tanong isa isa lang ganto yun, pinasyal ko lang siya kasi aga naming nagising eh tulog pa naamn kayo so hindi na namin kayo ginising."
" really? may gusto ka kay mike noh?"
"ha??? ako kay mike??? wala kaya..." i lied
"wala daw obvious kaya, pati sila erick, daren and bing napapansin eh."
"sabihin mo sa kanila kalalaking tao mga chismoso, wala yun we're just plain friends, chaka hindi naman ako ang gusto nun eh, ikaw eh.
"ok, eh wala namang akong gusto dun noh? chaka may boyfriend ako di ba?at aba defensive ha! pero just so you know, no hard feelings ok trix, i give you all my blessings! if it means anything to you. kung may ibang dapat na maging girlfriend si mike, it should be you. ok?"
"psssh! mags, kung ano ano sinasabi mo! sige na maghanda ka na din bihis muna ko para makkain at maka alis na din."
"ok, im jsut saying trix. its ok for you to like mike. ok?"
"kulit mo! sige na alis na, bihis na ko!." i smiled at her.

As i was changing, it all came back to me, everything went really fast today, i mean that whole two hours was just something aint it? it was too much for me to digest even. ganun ba ka obvious na may gusto ako kay mike? and maggs, giving me her "ok" signal to go for mike? gosh, nakakahiya. i mean what would mike think? halata niya na din kaya? ok, ok nakakahiya na to, basta from now on i have to play it cool, i have to act like he's one of the guys like daren and erick.. pero teka that'd be hard, but i'll try my best and if i cant do it then iwas nalang ako... that's really sad though, but its ok i'd rather have him as a friend than not to have him at all.